ERUKU, The Urban Monkey.
Series 2.
Hey there, I’m here again and this
series continues. My urban monkey of
a friend is at it again. But this time, i
don’t think he was the one that stirred
up the trouble as usual, maybe i gave
him a little help.
Eruku was at a game centre on this
very cool Friday night, playing Play-
Station II and using his favourite team,
Manchester United. Eruku was having
so much fun at the console and he
was simply fumbling to whoever was
playing with him that night all in the
spirit of the game.
Then i was passing by the game centre
that night and honestly I hadn’t given
much thought to our little incident at
the viewing centre the other day, but
at the moment i felt a sudden rage at
the sight of Eruku’s smiling face in front
of the P.S II console.
My elder brother was with me at that
moment, and he wanted to play game,
so I just told him in brief language,
what happened at the viewing centre.
Unknown to me, Eruku had always
been fumbling to my brother before he
even met me at all. At that moment,
what happened in the viewing centre
started getting clearer to me. Eruku had
seen the striking semblance between
myself and my brother and had figured
out that, since he had a score to settle
with my brother, so it is normal if we
slug it out but then I had declined to
fight.
As I entered the game centre and
pointed Eruku to my brother, Eruku’s
chanting and fumbling subsided, in his
mind he felt that he was definitely in a
deep sh*t, but Eruku would never go
down without a fight. I explained our
little ordeal our little ordeal to my
brother and the other guys that were
inside the viewing centre. Eruku felt
really pissed off at my story and my
seeming reported speech and he game
that he was playing and started
screaming at me.
“ you ehn? You think say na only you
get brother, wey you fit report to abi? ”
he screamed in the traditional broken
English. Eruku was saying that did I
think I was the only one that had a
brother to report to? That accusation
to me felt as if he had stabbed me with
a blunt knife, even though I had no
mind to fight him, but it pissed my
brother off to hear Eruku talk the way
he had spoken and he felt like
breaking his arm or leg. But I totally
held him back, saying that Eruku wasn’t
worth a break of his sweat. But Eruku
just wont stop, even if his body and
mouth wont stop his eye lid kept
twitching as if in disagreement with
what his mouth was saying.
“stupid boy, I will teach you and your
brother a lesson that either of you
would never forget, just wait ehn? Let
me finish my game.”
I really couldn’t believe that Eruku still
had the guts to say the things that he
was saying, especially in the presence
of my elder brother. So I interfered
again to save him from receiving the
beating of his life.
“ i would dare raise a finger against an
idiot like you, you just enjoy raising
hell and when it gets hot enough you
run, if I felt like dealing with you, i
would call boys rather than doing
anything to you myself” . But Eruku
would not subside instead he raised
his skinny fist and started threatening
with it.
“ you are using cultie to threaten me?
Ehen? My brothers are cultists too for
your information. “ now cultism in our
society is not something to flaunt
around. It is something that the whole
society preaches against. That
statement from Eruku invoked a wide
array of laughter from the crowd that
had gathered because they have never
seen or heard someone use the cult
word that way before, it sounded funny
and alien to them. It now seemed as if
Eruku all of a sudden became infamous
and also a stand up comedian or
should i use sit down because he was
on his seat when he uttered the
statement.
At that moment I realised that fighting
with Eruku was pointless and a mere
waste of time that could have been put
to good use. So myself and the other
folks around started gisting about how
it is only a normal thing for an
individual to be a little disrespectful at
a viewing centre. Since the argument
started, there has been a guy in that
game centre too that had some issues
yet unresolved with Eruku, something
like mine but had kept quiet because
he thought he knew Eruku more than
we did.
We just laughed Eruku off to the point
that he got frustrated and embarrassed
that we were laughing at him. Then all
of a sudden, Eruku diverted all of his
anger and frustration on the cool dude,
that had kept to himself since, his
name was Dayo, a three year graduate
of political science from a private
university that is still yet to get a job,
Dayo was also notorious with his
anger.
“ you Dayo! Or what do you call your
name? You have joined them abi?”
Screamed Eruku. At first glance at
Dayo, you might be surprised at how
deceptively lean he looked but he
grabbed Eruku by the collar of his shirt
and lifted him up, high enough to pin
him to the wall and smashed Eruku’s
left chin with a thunderous punch. Oh!
My word even though Eruku was a
total jerk . I felt sorry for him, nobody
interfered and Dayo didn’t follow the
punch up, because Eruku just went
limp and passed out.
After someone threw water on Eruku
to revive him, distortedly and with
bloody lips, he said “ where is the
fool? Let me teach him a lesson he’d
never forget. The funny thing was that,
at that moment the pity that I felt for
him grew into regret and I wished that
I was the one that knocked him out.
Monday, September 5, 2011
ERuku: The Urban Monkey 1.
ERUKU, The Urban Monkey.
You probably haven’t met anyone
whose got a mind so twisted and
unstable like my friend Eruku, but
believe it or not he is a human being
like you and I. Guess what? He is also
a Nigerian. Tall and slim like any
reasonable gentleman, he’s got a face
that any lady would want to die for
except for those awful looking tribal
marks on his face that makes him look
as though he was a gallant hunter that
fought a lion or killed a bear.
Eruku is totally a sight to behold, look
at Eruku and you’d probably be fooled
that you have seen a saint, but let him
open his mouth to talk, it’ll seem as if
you were smelling the buttocks of a
skunk, oh! My God what a smell ‼!
Eruku wakes up in the morning, takes
his bath, brushes his teeth, dresses up
and heads out to watch a football
match in a viewing centre. Naturally a
viewing centre is a place of noise, you
don’t expect to watch a match in a
viewing centre and want anything to
be quiet.
In a viewing centre, people from all
works of life come to the viewing
centre to unwind and ease off from the
pressure of work and enjoy the
beautiful game of football. Nigeria was
playing against Egypt and atmosphere
was booming and lively.
Eruku wanted silence by all means and
you probably have no idea the extent
to which he was going to get it. As the
match grew deeper, Nigeria scored and
the viewing centre erupted, everyone
was happy even Eruku but after the
goal celebration, Eruku didn’t want
further chanting or screaming. But
since the goal came in, everyone
watching the match seemed to just
want to relax and enjoy the game, but
not Eruku.
Some people started screaming and
shouting and this sounds were eating
deep into Eruku’s skull and he was
feeling incredibly nauseated. Among
the screaming fans I found myself with
someone that sat directly behind Eruku.
As if he was a missile that was
launched to the atmosphere, Eruku
descended on me and started
screaming at me and anyone that
cared to listen. “ stupid man, come
outside and let us fight now? “
screamed Eruku twitching his eye lids
as if his eyes were not in agreement
with the words that came out of his
mouth. I looked at him, my brains
could not really comprehend what his
mouth was saying.
The friend that sat beside me just
laughed it off, obviously he thought
that Eruku was joking but he was
wrong. I tried to calm Eruku down
because that was the only way that I
could calm myself down too because
obviously Eruku had gone too far. But
he just wouldn’t back off and as it
seems he was ready to fight and his
face seemed like that of a bull that was
getting ready to charge in a bull fight.
As if coincidentally, Egypt equalised
after a beautiful play from the midfield
to catch the Nigerian boys unawares
and that play brought a smile to my
face, but Eruku thought that I was
intentionally taunting him as if I myself
wasn’t a Nigerian. He was incredibly
angry and would have attacked me if
not for someone that held him. I am
not a violent person but honestly the
thought of Eruku plunging huge blows
at my face really got me thinking. All
my mind could really think at that
moment was that those that are playing
the game were thousands of miles
away , but here was my friend who
wanted to fight because of the noise
or rather because hi s teaming wasn’t
fairing well.
As I turned my head to look at Eruku,
I saw him talking and cursing at the
same time. I couldn’t really make out
what he was saying all I knew was that
his mouth was moving. And at that
moment I imagined myself engaged in
a brawl with him and right there I
realised that it would have been the
lowest and stupid thing that I have
ever done in my life.
You probably haven’t met anyone
whose got a mind so twisted and
unstable like my friend Eruku, but
believe it or not he is a human being
like you and I. Guess what? He is also
a Nigerian. Tall and slim like any
reasonable gentleman, he’s got a face
that any lady would want to die for
except for those awful looking tribal
marks on his face that makes him look
as though he was a gallant hunter that
fought a lion or killed a bear.
Eruku is totally a sight to behold, look
at Eruku and you’d probably be fooled
that you have seen a saint, but let him
open his mouth to talk, it’ll seem as if
you were smelling the buttocks of a
skunk, oh! My God what a smell ‼!
Eruku wakes up in the morning, takes
his bath, brushes his teeth, dresses up
and heads out to watch a football
match in a viewing centre. Naturally a
viewing centre is a place of noise, you
don’t expect to watch a match in a
viewing centre and want anything to
be quiet.
In a viewing centre, people from all
works of life come to the viewing
centre to unwind and ease off from the
pressure of work and enjoy the
beautiful game of football. Nigeria was
playing against Egypt and atmosphere
was booming and lively.
Eruku wanted silence by all means and
you probably have no idea the extent
to which he was going to get it. As the
match grew deeper, Nigeria scored and
the viewing centre erupted, everyone
was happy even Eruku but after the
goal celebration, Eruku didn’t want
further chanting or screaming. But
since the goal came in, everyone
watching the match seemed to just
want to relax and enjoy the game, but
not Eruku.
Some people started screaming and
shouting and this sounds were eating
deep into Eruku’s skull and he was
feeling incredibly nauseated. Among
the screaming fans I found myself with
someone that sat directly behind Eruku.
As if he was a missile that was
launched to the atmosphere, Eruku
descended on me and started
screaming at me and anyone that
cared to listen. “ stupid man, come
outside and let us fight now? “
screamed Eruku twitching his eye lids
as if his eyes were not in agreement
with the words that came out of his
mouth. I looked at him, my brains
could not really comprehend what his
mouth was saying.
The friend that sat beside me just
laughed it off, obviously he thought
that Eruku was joking but he was
wrong. I tried to calm Eruku down
because that was the only way that I
could calm myself down too because
obviously Eruku had gone too far. But
he just wouldn’t back off and as it
seems he was ready to fight and his
face seemed like that of a bull that was
getting ready to charge in a bull fight.
As if coincidentally, Egypt equalised
after a beautiful play from the midfield
to catch the Nigerian boys unawares
and that play brought a smile to my
face, but Eruku thought that I was
intentionally taunting him as if I myself
wasn’t a Nigerian. He was incredibly
angry and would have attacked me if
not for someone that held him. I am
not a violent person but honestly the
thought of Eruku plunging huge blows
at my face really got me thinking. All
my mind could really think at that
moment was that those that are playing
the game were thousands of miles
away , but here was my friend who
wanted to fight because of the noise
or rather because hi s teaming wasn’t
fairing well.
As I turned my head to look at Eruku,
I saw him talking and cursing at the
same time. I couldn’t really make out
what he was saying all I knew was that
his mouth was moving. And at that
moment I imagined myself engaged in
a brawl with him and right there I
realised that it would have been the
lowest and stupid thing that I have
ever done in my life.
ERuku: The Urban Monkey 1.
ERUKU, The Urban Monkey.
You probably haven’t met anyone
whose got a mind so twisted and
unstable like my friend Eruku, but
believe it or not he is a human being
like you and I. Guess what? He is also
a Nigerian. Tall and slim like any
reasonable gentleman, he’s got a face
that any lady would want to die for
except for those awful looking tribal
marks on his face that makes him look
as though he was a gallant hunter that
fought a lion or killed a bear.
Eruku is totally a sight to behold, look
at Eruku and you’d probably be fooled
that you have seen a saint, but let him
open his mouth to talk, it’ll seem as if
you were smelling the buttocks of a
skunk, oh! My God what a smell ‼!
Eruku wakes up in the morning, takes
his bath, brushes his teeth, dresses up
and heads out to watch a football
match in a viewing centre. Naturally a
viewing centre is a place of noise, you
don’t expect to watch a match in a
viewing centre and want anything to
be quiet.
In a viewing centre, people from all
works of life come to the viewing
centre to unwind and ease off from the
pressure of work and enjoy the
beautiful game of football. Nigeria was
playing against Egypt and atmosphere
was booming and lively.
Eruku wanted silence by all means and
you probably have no idea the extent
to which he was going to get it. As the
match grew deeper, Nigeria scored and
the viewing centre erupted, everyone
was happy even Eruku but after the
goal celebration, Eruku didn’t want
further chanting or screaming. But
since the goal came in, everyone
watching the match seemed to just
want to relax and enjoy the game, but
not Eruku.
Some people started screaming and
shouting and this sounds were eating
deep into Eruku’s skull and he was
feeling incredibly nauseated. Among
the screaming fans I found myself with
someone that sat directly behind Eruku.
As if he was a missile that was
launched to the atmosphere, Eruku
descended on me and started
screaming at me and anyone that
cared to listen. “ stupid man, come
outside and let us fight now? “
screamed Eruku twitching his eye lids
as if his eyes were not in agreement
with the words that came out of his
mouth. I looked at him, my brains
could not really comprehend what his
mouth was saying.
The friend that sat beside me just
laughed it off, obviously he thought
that Eruku was joking but he was
wrong. I tried to calm Eruku down
because that was the only way that I
could calm myself down too because
obviously Eruku had gone too far. But
he just wouldn’t back off and as it
seems he was ready to fight and his
face seemed like that of a bull that was
getting ready to charge in a bull fight.
As if coincidentally, Egypt equalised
after a beautiful play from the midfield
to catch the Nigerian boys unawares
and that play brought a smile to my
face, but Eruku thought that I was
intentionally taunting him as if I myself
wasn’t a Nigerian. He was incredibly
angry and would have attacked me if
not for someone that held him. I am
not a violent person but honestly the
thought of Eruku plunging huge blows
at my face really got me thinking. All
my mind could really think at that
moment was that those that are playing
the game were thousands of miles
away , but here was my friend who
wanted to fight because of the noise
or rather because hi s teaming wasn’t
fairing well.
As I turned my head to look at Eruku,
I saw him talking and cursing at the
same time. I couldn’t really make out
what he was saying all I knew was that
his mouth was moving. And at that
moment I imagined myself engaged in
a brawl with him and right there I
realised that it would have been the
lowest and stupid thing that I have
ever done in my life.
You probably haven’t met anyone
whose got a mind so twisted and
unstable like my friend Eruku, but
believe it or not he is a human being
like you and I. Guess what? He is also
a Nigerian. Tall and slim like any
reasonable gentleman, he’s got a face
that any lady would want to die for
except for those awful looking tribal
marks on his face that makes him look
as though he was a gallant hunter that
fought a lion or killed a bear.
Eruku is totally a sight to behold, look
at Eruku and you’d probably be fooled
that you have seen a saint, but let him
open his mouth to talk, it’ll seem as if
you were smelling the buttocks of a
skunk, oh! My God what a smell ‼!
Eruku wakes up in the morning, takes
his bath, brushes his teeth, dresses up
and heads out to watch a football
match in a viewing centre. Naturally a
viewing centre is a place of noise, you
don’t expect to watch a match in a
viewing centre and want anything to
be quiet.
In a viewing centre, people from all
works of life come to the viewing
centre to unwind and ease off from the
pressure of work and enjoy the
beautiful game of football. Nigeria was
playing against Egypt and atmosphere
was booming and lively.
Eruku wanted silence by all means and
you probably have no idea the extent
to which he was going to get it. As the
match grew deeper, Nigeria scored and
the viewing centre erupted, everyone
was happy even Eruku but after the
goal celebration, Eruku didn’t want
further chanting or screaming. But
since the goal came in, everyone
watching the match seemed to just
want to relax and enjoy the game, but
not Eruku.
Some people started screaming and
shouting and this sounds were eating
deep into Eruku’s skull and he was
feeling incredibly nauseated. Among
the screaming fans I found myself with
someone that sat directly behind Eruku.
As if he was a missile that was
launched to the atmosphere, Eruku
descended on me and started
screaming at me and anyone that
cared to listen. “ stupid man, come
outside and let us fight now? “
screamed Eruku twitching his eye lids
as if his eyes were not in agreement
with the words that came out of his
mouth. I looked at him, my brains
could not really comprehend what his
mouth was saying.
The friend that sat beside me just
laughed it off, obviously he thought
that Eruku was joking but he was
wrong. I tried to calm Eruku down
because that was the only way that I
could calm myself down too because
obviously Eruku had gone too far. But
he just wouldn’t back off and as it
seems he was ready to fight and his
face seemed like that of a bull that was
getting ready to charge in a bull fight.
As if coincidentally, Egypt equalised
after a beautiful play from the midfield
to catch the Nigerian boys unawares
and that play brought a smile to my
face, but Eruku thought that I was
intentionally taunting him as if I myself
wasn’t a Nigerian. He was incredibly
angry and would have attacked me if
not for someone that held him. I am
not a violent person but honestly the
thought of Eruku plunging huge blows
at my face really got me thinking. All
my mind could really think at that
moment was that those that are playing
the game were thousands of miles
away , but here was my friend who
wanted to fight because of the noise
or rather because hi s teaming wasn’t
fairing well.
As I turned my head to look at Eruku,
I saw him talking and cursing at the
same time. I couldn’t really make out
what he was saying all I knew was that
his mouth was moving. And at that
moment I imagined myself engaged in
a brawl with him and right there I
realised that it would have been the
lowest and stupid thing that I have
ever done in my life.
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