ERuku: The Urban Monkey 1.

ERUKU, The Urban Monkey.
You probably haven’t met anyone
whose got a mind so twisted and
unstable like my friend Eruku, but
believe it or not he is a human being
like you and I. Guess what? He is also
a Nigerian. Tall and slim like any
reasonable gentleman, he’s got a face
that any lady would want to die for
except for those awful looking tribal
marks on his face that makes him look
as though he was a gallant hunter that
fought a lion or killed a bear.
Eruku is totally a sight to behold, look
at Eruku and you’d probably be fooled
that you have seen a saint, but let him
open his mouth to talk, it’ll seem as if
you were smelling the buttocks of a
skunk, oh! My God what a smell ‼!
Eruku wakes up in the morning, takes
his bath, brushes his teeth, dresses up
and heads out to watch a football
match in a viewing centre. Naturally a
viewing centre is a place of noise, you
don’t expect to watch a match in a
viewing centre and want anything to
be quiet.
In a viewing centre, people from all
works of life come to the viewing
centre to unwind and ease off from the
pressure of work and enjoy the
beautiful game of football. Nigeria was
playing against Egypt and atmosphere
was booming and lively.
Eruku wanted silence by all means and
you probably have no idea the extent
to which he was going to get it. As the
match grew deeper, Nigeria scored and
the viewing centre erupted, everyone
was happy even Eruku but after the
goal celebration, Eruku didn’t want
further chanting or screaming. But
since the goal came in, everyone
watching the match seemed to just
want to relax and enjoy the game, but
not Eruku.
Some people started screaming and
shouting and this sounds were eating
deep into Eruku’s skull and he was
feeling incredibly nauseated. Among
the screaming fans I found myself with
someone that sat directly behind Eruku.
As if he was a missile that was
launched to the atmosphere, Eruku
descended on me and started
screaming at me and anyone that
cared to listen. “ stupid man, come
outside and let us fight now? “
screamed Eruku twitching his eye lids
as if his eyes were not in agreement
with the words that came out of his
mouth. I looked at him, my brains
could not really comprehend what his
mouth was saying.
The friend that sat beside me just
laughed it off, obviously he thought
that Eruku was joking but he was
wrong. I tried to calm Eruku down
because that was the only way that I
could calm myself down too because
obviously Eruku had gone too far. But
he just wouldn’t back off and as it
seems he was ready to fight and his
face seemed like that of a bull that was
getting ready to charge in a bull fight.
As if coincidentally, Egypt equalised
after a beautiful play from the midfield
to catch the Nigerian boys unawares
and that play brought a smile to my
face, but Eruku thought that I was
intentionally taunting him as if I myself
wasn’t a Nigerian. He was incredibly
angry and would have attacked me if
not for someone that held him. I am
not a violent person but honestly the
thought of Eruku plunging huge blows
at my face really got me thinking. All
my mind could really think at that
moment was that those that are playing
the game were thousands of miles
away , but here was my friend who
wanted to fight because of the noise
or rather because hi s teaming wasn’t
fairing well.
As I turned my head to look at Eruku,
I saw him talking and cursing at the
same time. I couldn’t really make out
what he was saying all I knew was that
his mouth was moving. And at that
moment I imagined myself engaged in
a brawl with him and right there I
realised that it would have been the
lowest and stupid thing that I have
ever done in my life.